


Dissociation

by DancingKirby



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 50 Sentences, Coping Mechanisms, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, PTSD, Parent/Child Incest, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:24:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingKirby/pseuds/DancingKirby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifty sentences about the toxic and unbalanced relationship between Ozai and Azula, and the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dissociation

**Author's Note:**

> As you can probably tell from the tags...this is not a nice fic. And technically I think I could have gotten away with a T rating, but I wanted to err on the side of caution.
> 
> Sentences 18 and 19 refer to my other fics about Azula, so while it's not absolutely necessary to read said fics, I'd recommend it. The italicized sentences are a "story within a story" as sort of a turning point. I wished I could have had them dispersed more evenly, but it didn't work out that way.

**#01-Air:** _She had thought Father would go straight to the airship, but as soon as they were out of earshot of the crowd, he turned to her and said, "You talked back to me…you know what that means."_

 **#02-Apples:** Azula inspected the fruit bowl and complained, "Ugh, apples again…why haven't they figured out how to grow cherries year-round?"

 **#03-Beginning:** It had started off slowly…just some wandering hands while Azula was sitting in his lap; Ozai didn't want to risk trying anything more while Ursa was still around.

 **#04-Bugs:** For a couple of weeks, Azula was very ill with some kind of stomach bug; her recovery was complicated by her constant sneaking out of bed to try to get to training anyway.

 **#05-Coffee:** Zuzu pulled a face after the first sip and wouldn't drink any more, but Azula drank the whole cup of this strange beverage without ever flinching, and glanced over after to see if Father approved.

 **#06-Dark:** It was a long, dark, and cold night tied up in those chains.

 **#07-Despair:** _She knew full well that begging for forgiveness would only make things much worse…why had she argued with him on this day of all days?_

 **#08-Doors:** They'd developed a system with the help of a discreet and well-paid messenger, so Azula could tell whether it was Father or Daddy who was asking for her by the pattern of knocks on her door.

 **#09-Drink:** Alcohol was for people who had no self-control, so Azula abstained; she didn't want to admit to herself that maybe she was afraid of what she might reveal under the influence.

 **#10-Duty:** Technically, Azula had been marriageable since she was eleven, and now that she was the heir she knew it was her duty to marry soon, but she couldn't bring herself to be too disappointed when her erstwhile betrothed proved too stupid to live.

 **#11-Earth:** "This is the kingdom that never ends…" Azula sang under her breath on their umpteenth day of finding absolutely nothing…was it possible that the Earth Kingdom might, in fact, go on _forever_?

 **#12-End:** _It had seemed like it was done, but then Daddy told her to turn over._

 **#13-Fall:** She'd been walking on a high wire her whole life with nary a mistake, but she'd never realized how much it would hurt to finally fall.

 **#14-Fire:** "You do know how expensive that all was, right?" Ozai asked casually as Azula set fire to the outfits meant for her wedding day, but he cracked a smile when she just shrugged in response.

 **#15-Flexible:** Daddy had forbidden her from having affairs with other men…but Ty Lee was not a man, so they could afford to be flexible in both senses of the word.

 **#16-Flying:** Sure, she wanted to prove her worth to her father, but maybe a tiny part of her was looking forward to flying on the cool airship.

 **#17-Food:** Azula wasn't a big eater, but she still lunged at all the best portions before Zuzu could get them, since Father didn't approve of weakness even at the dinner table.

 **#18-Foot:** When Azula came home for good, she had a necklace made with a golden pendant shaped like a tiny foot (since there had been no hands from which to take prints), and wore it for the rest of her life…she could learn to cope, but she would never forget.

 **#19-Grave:** Once her daughter's body had been tracked down and properly interred, Azula stayed at the grave until the others left her alone, and muttered, "I'm sorry it had to be this way."

 **#20-Green:** Azula was thankful that Father had never seen her wearing the Earth Kingdom green and brown…it just didn't seem to suit her like red did.

 **#21-Head:** Sometimes it was hard to be taken seriously if one was at least a head shorter than everyone else…why couldn't she have inherited Father's height?

 **#22-Hollow:** _When it was finally all over, she felt…empty…in a way she'd never felt before._

 **#23-Honor:** If Zuzu knew just how much time she and Father had spent laughing at him and the "H-word" while he was gone, he'd be even grumpier than usual!

 **#24-Hope:** _It wasn't that bad, she tried telling herself…she hadn't been humiliated in public like her brother and she was still going to be Fire Lord, after all._

 **#25-Light:** One day, when Izumi was nine and playing in the garden, the light hit her just right, and Azula had a sudden vision of a different little girl shuddering and moaning…next thing she knew, she was lying on the ground, heart racing, and snapping at the throng of anxious people gathered around her.

 **#26-Lost:** When she first heard a doctor use the word "rape," she was confused…Daddy had _needed_ her to satisfy his urges, and most of the time she liked it and even looked forward to it (except when he had to punish her)…how was that _rape_?

 **#27-Metal:** _Only much later, Azula realized he'd kept that armor on the whole time, and it was hilarious and…why weren't the doctors laughing with her?_

 **#28-New:** Buying new "specialty items" to surprise Daddy with could be difficult; if Azula wasn't sneaky about it, one of the treasurers might get alarmed and tell him about it, and that would totally ruin the surprise!

 **#29-Old:** Azula spent most of her thirtieth birthday tearing up the practice field and then sulking alone in her rooms…she'd _always_ been Daddy's Little Girl; how could she get _old_?

 **#30-Peace:** She thought she'd found a degree of peace years ago, but it still felt so fulfilling to walk away from the funeral pyre with her husband and son, and turn her back on him for good.

 **#31-Poison:** Ursa screamed and ran for Ozai when she caught Azula playing with her bottles of poison, but he just laughed and laughed and didn't allow any punishment.

 **#32-Pretty:** She knew that, even at this young age, she was almost as renowned for her beauty as she was for her power and treachery, but sometimes when she was alone she'd look in the mirror and wonder if her forehead was just a _bit_ too large, and her mouth _slightly_ too wide.

 **#33-Rain:** Azula had been born during a freak storm in which everyone in the palace, including a laboring Ursa, had been evacuated to the basement…people whispered that this was a bad omen, but Ozai wasn't so sure.

 **#34-Regret:** Tom-Tom was twenty to Azula's thirty-two when they were married, and the courtiers whispered about her being a "cradle-robber" and "taking after her father"; one poor sap said these things where Azula could hear and deeply regretted ever opening his mouth.

 **#35-Roses:** Azula didn't care all that much for the scent of roses, but Daddy loved it, so she wore the perfume every night he called her.

 **#36-Secret:** Now that Azula was no longer a child, it was "Father" in public and "Daddy" in bed, and there would be hell to pay if Azula accidentally called him the secret name where others could hear.

 **#37-Snakes:** Azula could spend hours staring at the snakes in the royal menagerie, with their bright, glistening scales and sinuous bodies…her mother kept trying to drag her off to see other animals, but why would she want to see any others?

 **#38-Snow:** His daughter had mentioned wanting to see what snow was like, so Ozai took her on a special trip to the mountain range northwest of the Capital; when he saw her face light up, he _almost_ felt touched.

 **#39-Solid:** The Fire Lord's mantle was cumbersome and in all honesty too big for her, but the solid weight on Azula's shoulders helped focus her racing thoughts somewhat, and she was sorry to have to take it off early.

 **#40-Spring:** That spring, the usual scenic tours of the blooming cherry trees had to be canceled due to "unforeseen circumstances," which was code for "the young Princess burning most of the trees down because her brother got a bigger dessert than she did."

 **#41-Stable:** There had been some stability in her life when she was small, but that was so long ago that Azula only had a fuzzy image of what a normal family was like.

 **#42-Strange:** They saw a little girl out shopping with a man who was presumably her father, and Azula half-jokingly wondered aloud if he'd broken her in yet…why were Mai and Ty Lee looking at her so strangely?

 **#43-Summer:** Summers in the Capital were brutal, since the humidity made everyone drip in sweat and dampened firebending…the beach would be much more pleasant, but Father didn't want to go anymore, so they stayed put.

 **#44-Taboo:** It had a title, but was known among the three girls only as "The Book"…they spent many an afternoon dramatically reading the best parts aloud amidst nervous giggles, and Azula decided not to mention that she already knew most of this stuff.

 **#45-Ugly:** Daddy had others, many others, she knew, and she tried not to be jealous of them, since they were nothing but momentary distractions, and such thoughts were ugly and unbecoming of a Fire Nation princess.

 **#46-War:** Many people questioned the wisdom of having such a young girl play such a large role in the war, but obviously Father trusted Azula with so much because he knew how she was talented and mature well beyond her chronological age.

 **#47-Water:** Even years later, she had nightmares she could tell no one about…where the waterbender left her to drown and Father looked on and laughed.

 **#48-Welcome:** As Azula cradled her new baby, the healthy child she'd once thought she'd never have, she whispered, "You're not going to be like _him_ ; I'll make sure of that."

 **#49-Winter:** She knew her granddaughters were furious with her when she chased off their love interests with fireballs; they just thought she was an old lady who was losing her marbles…and maybe she was…but at least they were _safe_!

 **#50-Wood:** Well, if they didn't want Azula to burn parts of the palace down, maybe they shouldn't have built those parts out of wood in the first place!

**Author's Note:**

> I realize that Tom-TomxAzula might seem a bit out of left field, but one day I just started shipping it (post-canon, of course!) I wanted Azula to have at least _some_ happiness, even if romance wasn't a magical cure to all her problems.
> 
> P.S. I'm honestly not trying to steal silkinsilence's readers...I was planning to post this today, and I forgot s/he posts then too!


End file.
